A Perception Reminder...for Myself!

This coming Saturday, November 1st, I am celebrating a tradition.  For the past three Halloweens, my husband, friend Sarah, and her husband Steve, and I have all gone to ValleyScare. The four of us love Halloween and getting spooked.  We thought we would do something different this year, so we are going to Scream Town (here's the site). I'm really excited! But there is one part that has me nervous. One of the attractions has you walking though an unlit forest where monsters and things jump out at you. I'm partially night blind, so that makes me extra-sensative to stuff like that.  I'm thinking I'll have to do some perception-checks with myself; I'll have to continually remind myself that it isn't real...over and over. I'm thinking I will survive okay.

If anyone reading this has done Scream Town in the Cities, please let me know if you have any advice or suggestions for making the best of it!

Still confused on envy vs. jealousy?

This is a really tough topic.  For most of us, we've been using the word "jealous" incorrectly our WHOLE LIVES.  As a review, envy is wanting something you don't have.  You may envy someone's car, job, clothes, happiness, grade, etc.  Jealousy is an extreme and even aggressive or violent fear related to losing someone that you see as "yours."  You may became jealous of a significant other or friend if he/she suddenly starts spending more time with someone else or gives someone else more attention than you.  People may get emotionally charged and do something crazy when they are jealous (think of all the psycho exboyfriends or exgirlfriends in movies). That emotionally charged reaction doesn't happen with envy. 

Here's how another girl puts it:

Blue Man Group

This blog post was inspired by one of Jonathan's blogs.  He recently saw Blue Man Group, and he commented on how great they are at nonverbal communication. I completely agree! I saw Blue Man Group in Las Vegas a number of years ago when they performed at the Luxor.  They are awesome at communicating without saying a word, much like Mr. Bean. Here's a great example of them communicating nonverbally:

Cardio Kick Boxing

One of my favorite things about Mondays is my Cardio Kick Boxing class.  Due to conferences and coronation, I haven't been able to for for a few weeks; I missed it! There were about five more people in the class than usual, which made the room a little tighter than usual.  The room has a wooden floor, and two of the four walls are made of mirrors.  The new members in the class were sending all kinds of nonverbal communication through their body movements and facial expressions.  You could tell when they were getting frustrated, exhausted, and ready to give up.  I tried to toss an encouraging smile when I could, but I was working pretty hard myself.  That class really makes me sweat, but I love the release it gives, too. 

Not my class, but similar.  Source: http://www.montclair.edu/web_gallery/data/original/Cardio_Kickboxing_15.JPG

Power Talk!

Zac Delventhal came in and spoke to our class today about communication and effective listening.  There were a couple things he talked about that really stuck out to me.

1)  First, he talked about mimicking people to increase your likeability.  This is something I could have applied a few of nights ago at Parent/Teacher Conferences. I know that sometimes I get excited and start talking quickly; this could be really off-putting for a parent that goes at a slower pace in life or doesn't get excited about the same things I do.  In the future, I'll be more aware of how others present themselves verbally and nonverbally so I can mimic it to make the other person feel more comfortable.

2)  Zac also made a good point about smiles and how those smiles can make others feel more comfortable and even liked.  I can list a couple students in each class who are really good about smiling and nodding heads to assure me they are both listening and understanding.  If I feel that I'm losing the attention or focus of the class as a whole, I'll often go back to my smilers and head-nodders to see if they are still with me for reassurance.  A smile is a powerful thing.  Nonverbal signals that communicate effective listening are powerful, too.

So, that's what stood out to me from Zac's presentation. What stood out to you? 

Even cartoons do it...

My 10th grade English class is currently preparing for their persuasive essays. Today was focused on talking about internal citations and works cited pages.  As part of the preparation, we watch a few videos. I've been using the video below for years, but after after talking about paralanguage earlier today, I really noticed how much both characters use it.  Which character do you think expresses more?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=he7vaf1UKPY&feature=related

Ethics Survey Results

Today in class I posted an Ethics Survey to give students a chance to think about the words they use (or don't use) when their morals are being tested.  After the students were finished, it was requested that I complete the survey too, so I did.  Out of the 10 questions, I had 4 As and 6 Bs, so almost an even split.  This doesn't surprise me too much. When it comes to the people I care about, I will go for the A response every time so that I am doing what is in their best interests. When the consequences to my actions don't affect those who are close to me or a part of my daily life, then I gravitated toward the B responses.  I suspect that if I took this same ethics survey while in college, there would have been less A responses.  As a high school student, I would have most likely had one or two more A responses, or I would have had the same results as today.  How I can use this as a communicator is to simply think about the consequences to my words and actions before I respond to any situation; it's not easy, but it is important to successful communication. 

Gender and Listening

In Chapter 4, the test talks about how men and women listen differently. One of the big things the chapter covers is rapport versus report.  The book says that women listen and share based on building rapport; they share feelings, opinions, give compliments, and work to become closer in their relationship.  The text says that men communicate more based on report, or the sharing of facts, expertise, and experiences.  This is incredibly true in my advisory.  I've been observing and ease-dropping a little bit, and that couldn't be closer to the truth, especially for the women in my advisory. Yesterday, they were even discussing what they dreamed the night before and what they each thought the dreams meant. Wow! 

Anti-Stereotype Posters

I was scrolling through Facebook earlier today and came a across a post from a previous student of mine.  She posted the most interesting link, and something that clearly relates to our class.

The Posters


Earlier this week I made the point that stereotypes often stem from one experience and then become an example of over-generalization, where someone says all things/people are like that just because one example help some specific trait. These posters go against that. They cancel out the stereotype and even explain how each is wrong and even dangerous.  I really suggest you check them out.  They are insightful.  

Source: http://geekxgirls.com/article.php?ID=3188

 

 

It's all about perception

In class today, we talked a lot of perception. We talked about how it can affect our self-concept (how we perceive ourselves).  Perception can also affect us through self-fulfilling prophecy, where we actually alter our behavior and self-concept based on the influence of how someone else perceives us.  Perception is POWERFUL!  For example, you may not feel very confident entering a room, but if you act in a way that makes sure others perceive your confidence (however false it may be), you've suceeded on making the impression you hoped for.  With that in mind, be like this kitten:

source: http://i.ytimg.com/vi/4kkM8uoretY/hqdefault.jpg

Go, Carley! and/or Go, KoMet traditions!

This past week, we talked a lot about culture.  One of those cultures we talked about was masculine versus feminine culture.  Another culture I mentioned was our school. 

This past week, one of our KoMet athletes was in the paper for a major accomplishment.  Based on how the feminine culture is described in our text book, this athlete may not fit the normal expectations of society.  I think she should be commended for that!  What an amazing athlete!  If you see Carey in the hallways, please give her a congrats. She's achieved something monumental. 

Read about it here:  Post-Bulletin article


Another culture I mentioned was our school.  One of our traditions as a culture is homecoming.  As senior advisor, I've already started working on Coronation, which is a big part of this tradition.  I am a big fan of traditions, but I also accept that traditions change over time. 

How do you feel about high school traditions, like homecoming? Do you think they should be maintained? Or are they a thing of the past?

Source: http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o110/revmyspace/freegraphics/greeting/Events_Homecoming.gif

What? I can't hear you?

After reading the class' blogs today, I  noticed the hot topic was physical noise.  It seemed a few people where still confused about physiological noise, so I went hunting for a good example. Remember, physiological has to do with the body, something typically long-term, that is getting in the way of the message being received. Here is an example from Seinfeld. I hope it helps offer some clarity.

Video Example

9th graders running the gauntlet

A really neat tradition KM has happens before school even really starts.  On the day before the first day of school, Link Crew leaders and 9th graders fill the halls and classrooms helping 9th graders feel more comfortable with the transition into high school.  To welcome the 9th graders, staff and students create a tunnel, or gauntlet, for the 9th graders to run through as they enter the gym for the first time.  The tunnel/gauntlet is filled with cheers, smiles, and high fives for the incoming freshman.  Their facial expressions are priceless; they are a mix of fear, shock, being overwhelmed, and excitement.  Their nonverbal communication is usually a pretty good indicator of how those particular students are feeling.  That's one of the best parts of Interpersonal Communication: becoming more aware of other's nonverbal communication.

Do you remember running that same gauntlet?  How did you feel?

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The many faces of Disney/Pixar

I know this video has been circulating Facebook and other social media for a few days now, but I just can't get enough of it. This man's nonverbals are fascinating!  I'm not sure what I enjoy more, the way he changes his facial expressions for each of the characters or the actual changes in voice characteristics themselves.  This man is definitely talented!

First Kiss?

Although we haven't gotten to the chapter on relationships, I couldn't help but share this video with you!  I friend sent it to me, and it is fascinating.  The story behind the video is that a woman took 20 people ask paired them up; they were then asked to have their first kiss with strange recorded. The nonverbal communication and obvious awkwardness is really interesting to watch.  Do know that you will be seeing all kinds of couples (opposite sex, same sex, older, and younger) kissing, and some couples' kisses are quite passionate.  You are not in any way, shape, or form required to watch this video, but from the nonverbal observation perspective, it is very interesting. It also goes against what we talked about with proxemics and tie signs, which adds to interest.

http://sploid.gizmodo.com/watching-complete-strangers-make-out-is-actually-awkwar-1540921129?utm_campaign=socialflow_gizmodo_facebook&utm_source=gizmodo_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

Little Gentleman

I am not exactly sure where little ones learn things like manners and gender roles.  I am sure it is a combination of what they observe at home, in public, on television, etc.  What is even more interesting to me is watching my one little guy figure this stuff all out.  Today was a bit out of routine in our house.  Our normal daycare is closed for a week due to someone getting surgery.  I don't have a back-up daycare, and little man's grandparents aren't available.  Luckily, my niece runs a daycare; it is just a bit of a drive from Kasson and my home in Rochester.  That's where he is today and tomorrow at least. 

Anyway, I sent a message at lunch asking how things were going.  I learned that my little guy is being quite polite and honest, which is great! He is holding the bathroom door open for a particular little girl at daycare and closing it for her, too.  He has also gone out of his way to help the other kiddos over the course of the day and is "using his words" well.  He's growing up so fast...

Getting Direct

First of all, I have to point I have an older vehicle, and with all Minnesota vehicles this time of year, it seems to take a little bit of a beating.  My vehicles seems to be rebelling a little bit.  Not too long ago, the left turn signal went out, and I asked if my husband could fix it some soon when he had the time, which was rather indirect.  Then the right headlight went out (it came back after hitting a ice-made pot hole, but then went back off again when the temps dropped recently).  I asked if when he fixed the blinker, if he could fix the headlight.  Again, this was rather indirect.  When driving to work this morning, my front blower went out!  That was the last straw for me.  I sent an email to my husband saying that this Saturday he would need to either fix my vehicle or call someone who would, finally getting direct in my communication.  He responded with an email clarifying what needed to be done before calling to make an appointment.  In this case, I wish I would have just been direct from the beginning. 

Source: http://cheezburger.com/5082678016

There's Something about a Truck...

Last night, a good friend of my husband's and mine got a new truck. He was absolutely fed up with his little Pontiac driving around Rochester in the most recent wintery conditions.  I commented on a picture that was posted in a group message that I liked it, the new truck.  He came back with a comment saying to tell Pat (my husband) thanks.  I clarified that I was the one complimenting it; I followed up explaining that a greatly prefer trucks to cars as a driver and as a passenger.  He said he didn't expect to read that coming from me, a girl. 

I guess I challenged his gender perceptions and stereotypes a little bit.

Crazy from a three-year-old's perspective

This past Saturday evening, my husband, son, and I were heading to church. When my son asked where we were going, my husband answered his typical response to the question: Crazy. Without skipping a beat, my three-year-old son responded in a way that clearly illustrated how his perspective of "crazy" was very different from my husband's.  Murphy said: Crazy is not a place you go.  Crazy is a way to be. 

You have to admit; that is pretty deep for a three-year-old.

New Student?

I'm not sure which factor contributed most: my hair no done, my glasses, the giant jersey, the jeans, or the boots.  Twice between 7:35 and 8 this morning I was mistaken for a new student, once by another teacher and once by a student I've had in my classroom twice.  I can't deny I was a little flattered, but I was also a little confused.  Maybe my self-concept is a bit off.  Maybe their perception was a bit skewed.  Either way, I can say that looking-glass self is in action today because I am now seeing myself a little differently, too. 

Looking for a thumbs up

Over the course of the weekend, I encountered a situation were nonverbal communication was necessary.  If you did not know already, I am a co-coach for the KoMets Speech Team, and this past weekend we competed at John Marshall. I was trying to observe as many KoMets as possible during the three round, but timing out when to enter a room and not be a disturbance can be challenging.  I was waiting to observe a poetry round, but wasn't sure when it was okay to enter the room. I peered through the very small window in the classroom door; I didn't' see anyone speaking, but those in the room were silent and staring forward as if someone was speaking. Eventually, I caught the eye of one of the students, a JM student. I signaled a thumbs up and raised my eyebrows to show I was questioning whether it was okay or not. I even mouthed "Okay?"  She gave me a thumbs up while nodding. If she hadn't been so clear in her communication, I might still be waiting outside that door...

source: http://damngoodcup.com/wp-content/uploads/thumbs-up.jpg

"Sometimes the truth hurts, and smells" Perspective

First, I have to profess my undying love and admiration to Ingrid Michaelson (selfish plug: new single out today!).  Second, I have to profess my fascination with a child's perspective to an adult topic.  Put those two things together, and you get this awesome video from YouTube.  Ingrid Micaelson interviewed three tween-aged kiddos about lying, which turned into a very interesting explanation of karma.  Wow!  There verbals, nonverbals, and overall communication going on in this video is incredibly entertaining. If you have 6 minutes, please check it out. It will leave you smiling and give you a little different perspective into how these kids see the world around them compared to how you see it each day. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzTltBl99Lw&feature=youtu.be

Puppy Love

sources: http://www.budweiser.com/clydesdales/blog/the-clydesdale-stars-of--puppy-love--commercial---budweiser-supe.html

I have to admit, I didn't really watch much of the Super Bowl game. That is partly because we were hosting, so I was grilling dinner, but that I also didn't really care much about the teams  playing this year.  I did, however, stop what I was doing or request the TV be paused for me each time commercials were on.  I had a few favorite commercials (Puppy Love, Doberhuaua, Sixth Sense, and The 80s Called).  I realized at the end of the "Puppy Love" commercial that not a single word was spoken; all communication was done nonverbally.  How awesome is that?  So much was said through facial expressions and body language of both animals and humans that no speaking was necessary.  If you aren't sure what commercial I am referencing, here's the link:

Puppy love

Being a 'Sotan

I was listening to a different morning show that usual on the radio this morning, and the show was discussing what one needs to do to earn his/her "Minnesota Card" if he or she isn't a native to the area.  Some of the things that were mentioned were eating hotdish or goulash, going ice fishing, seeing a Twins game, seeing  a Vikings game, eating walleye, admitting "Duck, Duck, Gray Duck" is superior to "Duck, Duck, Goose,"  sticking up for the weather and being Minnesota Nice, waiting too long for your turn at four-way stops because you are suggesting everyone else goes first, and the list went on.  I thought this was an outstanding example of defining a culture! We won't get to cultures until chapter 2, but I couldn't help but share since most of us can relate to this list.

Nonverbals of a Server

As I was driving in this morning, I overheard a conversation on the Dave Ryan Show about waiters and watiressess that cannot pick up on nonverbal and verbal cues.  I was a waitress at a small diner for four years, and I could relate with the experiences that were being shared. Dave was sharing that it is a servers job to be able to pick up on the verbals and nonverbals at a table to know whether he/she is needed, if the table wants to chat, or if the table just wants to be left alone to eat.  I can think of a quite a few experiences from my years as a waitress where reading these cues was vital to both the satisfaction of the guests at the table as well as my tip.  Thinking back, I was really surprised at how much was communicated nonverbally though a gesture, eye contact, or lack of eye contact.  I found that by the time I got to school I was fully siding with Dave Ryan that it is the servers responsibility to pick up on those cues just as it is up to the guest at the restaurant to make his/her needs clear.

Up or down?

Yesterday I was chatting with a teacher in the media center about the impending wintery weather.  We both commute from Rochester, so we were talking about how there seems to be a magical line between Byron and Kasson where the roads go from okay to crappy.  She was sharing that her husband was driving the two of them to Kasson recently, and when she approached that "magical line," she insisted her husband "slow up."  When I was sharing how I had driving to Mantorville for a birthday party recently, I said that I made sure to "slow down" when I got to that line.

 Later on it occurred to me how awkward "slow up" sounded to me.  Our verbal language is very fascinating. It is crazy how the same message can be relayed using such a variety of different word and word combinations.

Image source: http://www.slowup-ticino.ch/interna.asp?idarticolo=20530

Image source: http://www.amazon.com/Yellow-Plastic-Reflective-Sign-12/dp/B0055DOSK0

Horns? Horns. Horns!

The English language can be so ambiguous. My son taught me this after seeing Frozen over break. We were talking about Sven, the reindeer. 

source: http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/frozen/images/35894655/title/sven-wallapapers-wallpaper

We were talking about his big "horns" (antlers) and other animals that have horns like deer, moose, etc.  Then, my son looked at me and asked if I knew why they had horns. I paused for a moment to sculpt my answer.  Before I could get a word out, my son looked at me and said,"So they can get people out of their way. Honk! Honk! Beep!"  I couldn't hold back my laughter. What a great example of an ambiguous word. I learn so much from my three-year-old.