Students and Gender Roles

I've been struggling with a nasty cold lately and decided to stay home yesterday and rest, with hopes of kicking it. Although I am feeling quite a bit better, I'm not sounding much better.  Feeling better is good, but I sure hope I have my voice back soon.   I have Murphy's second birthday party tomorrow!

Anyway, in looking over my sub notes, a colleague wrote,

"I don’t want this to sound sexist, but in general the girls worked really hard and the boys did not (with a  few exceptions)"

Since this is based on observation, I don't really think it is sexist; although, it may be a little stereotypical.  Do you think it is a gender role?  What do you see in other classes?  Is this the "norm" or not so much?

You've Got Mail

We just finished watching You've Got Mail in class; we watched it as a way to see many of the concepts we have covered so far in action, both successfully and not-so-successfully.  I have to admit that I really do love this movie. Part of that is my sentimental attachment to the movie.  I first saw this movie with my high school boyfriend, now husband.  Since we went to separate high schools in different towns, we were only able to see each other on the weekends, if even that often.  Most of our communication was through AOL (American On Line) email and messaging.  The words "You've Got Mail" made my heart skip a beat, and if I heard the chime of AOL Messenger, I often found myself holding my breath until I saw if it was him or not.  There was so much that was said through those that really moved us along the different stages of relationships (covered in a later chapter). I often wonder if we would have been nearly as comfortable talking face-to-face as we were thorugh computer screens.

Anyway, the point that I am trying to make is that I've seen this movie many times over the years, and this time while listening and watching it, a quote really stood out to me:

The odd thing about this form of communication is that you're more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings. 

That is exactly how I felt about the early communication of our relationship. Sure, there was some self-disclosure, but a lot of it was sharing what we did, saw, and thought each day and then reflecting on that with each other and making associations to things we could relate to.  To someone else, the words and thoughts we exchanged would have been a whole lot of "nothing," but to us, it was something.

Another thought I had was, "Wow. Technology and how we communicate as a society has really changed since 1998."  I see that as a good and bad thing.

Bazaar Bingo

This past weekend was my parents' church's holiday bazaar.  It has all kinds of events to celebrate the holiday season like cake walks, silent auction, craft and bake sale, games for kinds (like lucky duck pull, fishing pond, sucker tree, and ring toss), and bingo. I haven't been able to attend the bazaar for  few years, but growing up and attending yearly, the bingo room as my favorite; I was really looking forward to it.  Unfortunately, I became overwhelmed with all kinds of noise. There were younger elementary-aged children chatting away, my dad crunching noisily on cookies, Murphy squirming in my lap and talking, my stomach growling, and my nerves on edge due to the crabby bingo caller.  Things got better, though, once I was able to eat some holiday Chex mix and drink a little more of my candy cane coffee :).  I even won a few rounds taking home a Baker's Square gift card, a Willow Tree ornament, a bracelet, and all kinds of fun things for Murphy!  All-in-all, it was a good time :)

http://www.picgifs.com/graphics/bingo/

Internet Pet Peeves

Since we've been working on verbal communication all week, I thought this would be a great time to talk about my pet peeves when reading things on the Internet, especially on Facebook.  These are in no particular order.  

One of my pet peeves has to do with writing in all caps.  My cousin and his wife both have this terrible habit.  Sometimes I avoid reading their status updates or comments on my postings because I don't feel like being shouted at.  Honestly, I know that they don't mean for me to read there messages that way, but when I do read it, I can hear their particular voices shouting every single word, and it drives me crazy.  Another pet peeve I have with internet postings has to do with grammatical and spelling errors.  For example, last night alone I read one of my other cousin's postings sharing that her husband's lab results came back "canser free."  Another cousin (yes, I have a lot of cousins) posted that his "babies due in January" even though his wife is only having one baby.  A friend I graduated high school with used the wrong "there" twice in the same status updated.  Ugh!  A third pet peeve I have has to do with the over use of emoticons and exclamation points.  Not everything can be that happy and exciting...all of the time, unless, of course, you are Flo from the Progressive commercials. Then, maybe, it is.

Gender roles and gender toys

I saw this picture on a friend's Facebook page earlier this week.  It really says a lot about some people's ideas of gender roles, even at a really early age.  There is this idea that only girls can play with baby dolls and Barbies, and boys should be playing with cars, tools, sports' balls, and even guns (Nerf for example).  My dad would back this up 100%.  If he ever saw my son wearing pink, I'm sure he would ask him to have his clothes changed.  I'm not that way, though. The way I see it, if my son is happy, then I am happy, too.  Maybe it is a generational thing...

 I've seen pictures of my son at daycare dressed in glittery, frilly dresses, and I've seen him covered in dirt while playing with dump trucks outside.  I feel that children shouldn't be subjected to these gender roles at such a young age. They'll get it enough when they are older; they should maintain their innocence as long as they can...

Camo Culture Gift Ideas

On Thanksgiving, my husband's family decided it was time to draw names for Christmas gifts.  Instead of buying gifts this year, we are supposed to make them.  I knew this a while ago, so I've been pinning things on Pinterest as I came across ideas that would work for some of my in-laws.  Most of these gifts I pinned worked well for my sister-in-laws and my brother-in-laws. I didn't really think I'd end up pulling a nephew's name, which is exactly what I did.  This nephew has only a few interests: Monster energy drinks, hunting, and hunting (yes, I put that on there twice for a reason).  This is a culture I know very little about.  When I think of hunting, I think of cold mornings, long hours of sitting, and camouflage clothing.   I know there is more to this culture, but this is what I know about it.

This is where I turn to you: readers who may be a part of this culture or understand it better than me.  Some ideas I have come up with for things I could make include fleece scarf, duct tape tote bag, munchie mixes and cookies.  What might I be missing? 

Guys with Kids

One of this fall's new shows that I am really enjoying is called Guys with Kids.   There were a couple things that really intrigued me about this new show: Jimmy Fallon created it and it is about people my age raising kids in modern times.  There are some pretty good examples of non-stereotypical gender roles in this show, too. For example, one of the dads, Gary, is a stay-at-home-dad raising four boys, two of which are twins.  This goes against what we typically expect as a society.  There are quite a few episodes that play on this exception, like when Gary demands a day off, and his wife stays home with the kids all day; that is quite a disaster on both ends.

 Here is another example, where he and his friends are talking about different parenting styles. Some go along with our culturally accepted gender roles, and some go against them.

Zumba

Last week I tried something new at the gym: Zumba.  It is something that I've wanted to try for a while, but each time I attempted to go in the past, I either chickened out or the class was canceled. 

Not sure what Zumba is, go here: Zumba

The class itself was really small, maybe eight other women were there, and I was the youngest one.  Once the music started going, I got a lot more comfortable.  The thing I observed, though, was that the instructor used very little verbal communication.  To get our attention, she used sounds like slaps and whistles. For example, to let us know we would begin kicking or stepping forward, she would slap the thigh of the one we should lead out with.  If we were going to begin a new motion, she would whistle, so we would look at her and follow along with the change.  If she felt like someone, or the class as a whole, wasn't given enough energy, she would mock laziness with her body posture, facial expression, and gestures.  If someone was doing things really well, she would whistle, point at her, and give her a thumbs up.  She was able to help the class without ever saying a word.  It was really neat because she never interrupted the music, which was good for me.  I don't have the best rhythm or coordination, so the less distraction, the better for me. 

Source: http://tipsfor2012andbeyond.blogspot.com/2012_05_01_archive.html

Coffee Confession

Today was the first day of second quarter's Interpersonal Communication class.  We completed the same verbal/nonverbal tennis ball activity as last quarter and with similar instructions. Before starting, though, everyone had to share his/her name and something about his/her day so far.  I shared that I had some delicious buttered rum (flavored) coffee this morning.  I realized, based on the facial expressions and snickers by some, that not everyone was aware of what buttered rum was/is.  I realized that the way students perceived me may have changed, and not for the better.  Later in class I brought up the situation and clarified that there was no rum or alcohol in buttered rum flavored coffee; buttered rum flavoring is much like butterscotch, but just a little richer.  There were a few students who nodded in agreement, but it was clear to me that a handful of students had never heard of it before.  What a first impression I must of made to those who thought I would actually put rum in my morning coffee!  It really makes me wonder what perception students have of me...

Image courtesy of: http://www.candyfavorites.com/candy/mints-and-breath-fresheners/lifesavers

 

"War of the Roses" and Relationships

One of the main ideas of chapter eight in Interpersonal Communication is relationships, and the chapter starts of talking about the six stages of relationships. We are bombarded by relationships in media, relationships at all stages. When I was first reading about deterioration and dissolution, I couldn't help but think about "War of the Roses" on 101.3 KDWB.  If you have never heard the segment on the Dave Ryan Early Morning Show, it goes something like this:  a listener suspects that his/her significant other is being unfaithful or dishonest. Someone on the show calls the suspected lair/cheater with a face cell phone company survey.  If the liar/cheater completes the survey, they get to send "one dozen red, romantic roses" to a person of the their choosing. The idea is that if they send the roses to someone other than the listener who set it up, then the liar/cheater is guilty.  Not every call-in goes this route, but they usually do. Within ten minutes, you get the background information the the relationship (usually including the contact stage) as well as the deterioration, possibly an attempt at repair, and then I'd say 90% of the time, dissolution.  I'll leave a link below for the "War of the Roses" archive, but please note that I am not assigning this as homework or anything.  Some of the topics discussed are not topics we would talk about in the classroom (that's your disclaimer).

War of the Roses archive

Hair today...done tomorrow

"Important Haircut" alexsguide.net

This past weekend, I got my hair cut.  Now this was no little hair cut.  In the longest places, I lost nearly 10 inches of hair! I walked in to Becky, my hairdresser for nearly 16 years, knowing that I wanted it cut pretty short.

This is the shortest I have ever gone, and it was a bit of a shock at first. When I went to wash it, I was amazed at how little was left in the back, and when I went to work out, I didn't really know what to do with it; it is far too short for a ponytail. 

Although I do like the short cut and style, I was a little anxious what other people would think of it.  I got a lot of compliments on Monday at school; most of them seemed sincere. After Mrs. McCall and Mrs. Enders called it "sassy," I was feeling a lot better about the big change. This is an example of a concept called "looking-glass self." The idea is that as others share how they see you, you begin to see yourself that way too. This also relates to self-concept and perception.

Interpersonal Communication in Action

Last night was parent-teacher conferences.  As the night progressed, I was a bit surprised by how many of the concepts we have discussed this quarter were put into action.  Over the course of the evening, I was an active listener to both parents and students, I used empathy with parents, I witnessed a few examples of self-disclosure, I witnessed varying perspectives between parents and their children (some in attendance, some not), and I was reading a large variety of nonverbal communication cues, both positive and negative.  I also used quite a few purr words when appropriate, but I didn't use any snarl words!  It was really interesting to look back and reflect on the communication that occurred over those three hours, and I'm very satisfied with how things went. 

Source: http://blogs.besd.net/jamie-kent/2010/10/17/dont-forget-parent-teacher-conferences/

No culture too small

We have talked about culture and its influence on communication off and on since the beginning of the quarter.  We've connected culture to gender, religion, geographic location, and career/work place. Most cultures have their own language and rules of etiquette that are learned over time. One culture we haven't referenced is that related to pop culture and related interests. 

It's homecoming week, and today's movie theme is The Hunger Games.  I am a pretty big fan of the book series, and the first movie was good as well.  Knowing the book and movie, I have been fortunate enough to be a part of The Hunger Games culture that is showing itself today.  I've heard verbal messages associated to the movie ("May the odds be ever in your favor"), there have been artifacts that have special meaning to The Hunger Games culture (silver parachutes, sugar cubes, loaves of bread), and even nonverbal messages through appearance connecting students and staff to this particular culture.  I was even give a silver parachute from my sponsors this morning! 

More Toddler Talk...

Earlier I posted ways that I am an active listener with my son.  Since he is learning to talk, not all of his words are clear or understandable.  I'm noticing, though, that I am often stepping in to help others understand what he is saying.  Without thinking, I often translate his words and phrases.  It doesn't matter if the audience is someone who knows his "language," someone who doesn't know his "language," or if it is just the two of us.  I'm not entirely sure why I am doing this.  At first, I think it started out as a way to demonstrate being an active listening; I was making sure I was getting his messages correct. Then, I think I continued to do it to make sure he was hearing the right way of saying things, so he could get his message across more clearly rather than getting frustrated when someone doesn't understand him. I do it so often now that I am starting to feel a little silly about it.

An example of perception gone wrong

Yesterday, I observed a pretty good example of were perceptions, and lack of self-awareness, can make all the differences. 

One one side of a situation, we have an individual (we'll call her "Grace").  "Grace" is higher up in a small corporation and assists in making decisions based on who moves up the scale to higher-paid positions.  On the other side of this situation, we have another individual (we'll call her "Alyssa").  "Alyssa" has been working at this corporation for over three years and is currently furthering her education in this field.  It was announced recently that there will be a new opening at this corporation, one that is on "Grace's" level and is a step up for "Alyssa."  "Alyssa" is pretty sure she has the position, and she will be quite offended if she doesn't get it. She feels that since she has been working at this business for quite some time, is good at what she does,  and is currently completing a Masters in this field of study, then she should be the clear choice for the position.  "Grace," on the other hand, shares a very different view of "Alyssa."  "Grace," and others that work with "Grace," feel that "Alyssa" has a some room for growth in the field and has become a bit overconfident since working on her Masters.  Lately, "Alyssa" has overstepped some of her boundaries of authority by correcting some of the procedures of her colleagues.  In this sense, "Alyssa's" knowledge of herself and her self-awareness is a bit off compared to how others see her.  Due to this, she is hurt and doesn't understand why she isn't be as heavily considered for the new positions as others who are applying. 

This just goes to show how important it really is to seek out information regarding what others think of you to further your self-awareness and avoid false perceptions.

Self-Disclosure

Today in class we played an abstract version of Musical Chairs to practice self-disclosure. The point of the activity was to give students a chance to share about themselves while at the same time learning about their classmates.  The desks were arranged in a circle-like shape that was one desk short of the number of students in the room.  One student stood in the middle and shared something about him/her self.  If anyone seated shared that same feeling, experience, or trait, he/she had to move at least two desks away. Who ever was left was the next to share.  This was a really fun activity to observe. I learned some things about students in the class, and was even surprised by some of the results! 

I'm hoping the activity reminded everyone how it is equally important to share and listen in any type of relationship.  You need to take turns being the one who is sharing (self-disclosing).  If one person does all the sharing, then the relationship becomes one-sided and doesn't grow. 

Toddler Talk

Daycare closed yesterday with short notice, so I spent the day home with my little guy.  He's just learning to talk, and a lot of words he does say sound similar ("car" and "color" for example). I find myself repeating what he says back to him for clarification.  ("Oh, did you ask to go up in the chair?") He'll either nod his head or shake it, or he'll give me a pretty loud "No!" if I'm not understanding him correctly. We'll go back and forth until I get it right. Usually, I understand him the first time around, but there are some instances where I really just don't understand what he is saying.

Think about the last time you didn't understand someone's words. Did you just nod in agreement or let the confusing moment go without clarification because you were in a hurry, embarrassed, or something else? Or did you ask the speaker to repeat what he/she said, or ask for another form of clarification?  Imagine all the miscommunications that wouldn't occur if we would just stop and ask for clarification. 

My toddler reminded me yesterday of a pretty important lesson in communication and what can happen with the send and receiver aren't both active and clear in the conversation. 

Gender Roles...

Today I introduced the class to the concept of gender roles.  I think it is really interesting to look back in time and see how some aspects of gender roles have changed dramatically, but some aspects stay the same.  To introduce the idea of gender roles, we watched the animated version of Shel Silverstein's The Giving Tree.  The movie itself is from 1973, but it displays gender roles in a way that we still accept today; this relates to masculine and feminine cultures as well.  In the movie, the "boy" starts out depending on the tree for entertainment and nurturing (swinging from branches, climbing the trunk, eating apples, and sleeping in the branches), but as the "boy" ages, his needs change.  Later he needs money, a house, and a boat. Each of these exemplifies the concept of seeing material success in masculine cultures.  The tree, on the other hand, displays elements of a feminine culture. No matter how many times the "boy" returns to the tree in search of something new, the tree continues to give.  Each time she gives, the tree is literally giving of herself until all she has left is a stump. This relates to the feminine culture's need to build relationships, improve the quality of life for others, and fill the world with tenderness. The tree is a perfect example of this.  Do you see any other examples in the movie of the "boy" representing masculine culture and gender roles? How about other examples of the tree representing feminine culture and gender roles?

redtreetimes. "The Giving Tree" Red Tree Times. 4 April 2011. <http://redtreetimes.com/2011/08/04/the-giving-tree/> 12 Sept 2012.

  

First day of class!

Today was the first day of Interpersonal Communication.  I had butterflies in my stomach all day! I was excited to being a class that I was so passionate about, but I was concerned that the excitement wouldn't be contagious.  One of the highlights, for me anyway, from the first day was the tennis ball activity in the hallway.  It was fun for me to observe how everyone participated in the activity a little differently.  What I really enjoyed watching, though, was when I asked the students to no longer speak; they could only communicate non verbally.  It was really fascinating to see the different techniques students used.  There was a lot of pointing, snapping, and even some whistling.  If the rest of the activities are met with as much enthusiasm as this first one, I think we have a very fun and educational quarter ahead of us! 

And so it begins...

Something new is coming to Kasson-Mantorville High School: Interpersonal Communication.  This is a new class that has not been offered before, but that doesn't mean there hasn't been a need for it.  This is a new English/Language Arts elective that doesn't focus on reading literature. Instead, it focuses on the elements of communication. Over the course of the quarter, we will use blogs to communicate with one another, share our observations, experiences, thoughts, and reflections with one another.  Each student will be required to create a blog similar to this one where he or she will connect what we are learning in the classroom with his or her own life.  Students will also be reading and commenting on their classmates blogs.  Consider this the first step towards on your journey to become a better communicator.

I'm really looking forward to experiencing this class together.  This was my favorite class in college (where I experienced it as a student and teacher's aid).  As technology changes communication styles, I think it is important to learn the skills and strategies of being an effective communicator as soon as possible.  That is why this class is being offered.